The Old Fire Station

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oldfirestation

Just look at this gorgeous building close to my house (on the dog walking route). It was an old fire station, built in 1897 and used right up until 1973. After it was no longer required, it was left to go to rack and ruin. Parts fell away leaving the sides exposed to the elements, pigeons made it their home (as did a few homeless people), and plants grew out of the windows. Now, after many months of scaffolding and building works, it has been renovated into flats, and cleaned up again.

I love that it has been rescued, but I do wish that some old buildings could be given back to the community for everyone to use, instead of turning everything into housing……but that’s just me and my idealistic world, haha!

Rambling bits and bobs.

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So hello! How are you all? I’m having a really good day today – one of those “high energy” days when the sun shines, you fling open the windows thinking its going to be a fabulous day.

My dog has other ideas though……

molly1

She is a bit of a lazy bones when its warm. In fact she doesn’t like going out when its wet either, so…..its hard work being a dog.

I haven’t been doing much creating of late……trying to get the Room of Doom straightened out and decluttered for college has taken up most of my time. Being ruthless with “my stuff” is a terrible ordeal. Its something that requires a constant stream of “Do I need this? Will it come in useful? Why haven’t I used it then”? questions. I have already dispatched 14 wallpaper sample books to the recycling (which gets picked up tomorrow – and no I won’t be fetching them back beforehand – although I did think about it)

I have been watching some minimalist videos on YouTube and feeling all inspired. So I tackled a room and decorated it in a neutral palette…..

vintage room

This does have a vintage filter on it, but basically its all browns and creams. I had a mad idea to use up some samples in a patchwork design on one wall……and I don’t like it now. In fact I’m not sure I like the room (its a tiny bedroom that was my daughters)Do you see the button lamp I glued up from ages ago? And that Bureau was a gift from hubby about 7 years ago – I adore bureaus.

Only have a couple of weeks to go before college starts. They want a photo of me for my college card, and no matter how many times I send one to them, it gets rejected for one reason or another! I’m no good at selfies, haha!

So I hope you are all well. Bye for now 🙂

Rawwwr, Go me!

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Hello everyone. I just wanted to say thank you so much for your comments on my last post. Getting deep dark stuff out there is difficult, but sometimes necessary if you want to become stronger and move on. I appreciated all the comments and support, I really did – and it spurred me on to actually do a brief intro video on YouTube (1.41 mins, haha!). I’m really pleased that I did it now, to be honest. Wanna see? So yes….that’s all I have for the moment. I’m painting a picture (watercolour doodle type thing) for my sewing area just now, so I shall show that here once I’m finished. Cheery bye for now!

 

 

 

Storytime: Narcissism

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I haven’t seen my mother in almost 30 years. Last time I spoke to her on the phone (Christmas 2016), I told her finally to GFY, because I was tired of her lies, drama, and judgements.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I still can’t make a bloomin’ YouTube video stay online! And now I realise why. I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. Its just me – who am I to tell, to show, to share?

See, growing up with a narcissistic parent is horrific. Everything you do is scrutinised to ensure it reflects admirably on the parent. Woe betide you if you fail in your duty to be an extension of their grandiose vision of themselves. Privacy is not an option, in any capacity. Bedrooms are routinely turned over looking for evidence of wrong doing. Journals are discovered and read out gleefully at the dinner table. Schools are besieged with phonecalls requesting that teachers keep an eye on you. Anyone who knows you are quizzed about things they might have picked up during conversation with you, and any snippets of information are swiftly corrected if it is perceived to be validating you. You learn to be a loner and keep your own counsel.

As a child, there is no sense of identity, value, or self worth. Any sense of pride at accomplishments is beaten out of you. Lectures about being a failure; about being an embarrassment; about the shame you bring to everyone who comes into contact with you, is a daily occurrence and lasts for hours until you fall into a blubbering wreck of gibbering apologetic nonsense. (Bonus points for apologising in advance. Daily.)

It becomes worse when another sibling is involved. Then its contrast and compare, and again you are found wanting. Classic Golden Child and the Scapegoat. The Golden Child becomes the echo of the Narc parent – if only to save themselves. Even if the Golden Child fails too…..its an honourable fail. They are loved.

So! Having thought about my reluctance to share – vs – current social media mania for sharing every nuance of life and subsequent windy aftermath, I finally understood why I was cautious about it.

And so I share my reason. Fearlessly, and without apology. I learned something today, and that is priceless. I still may never make numerous videos, but that’s ok. Its not about that, really. Its about trying, and being proud of trying, and feeling like you did your bit regardless.

 

 

 

Oh…..

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Well it seems that I have been very remiss in my posting here, despite the fact that I got a new laptop! Lemme explain….

I tried to make a video for YouTube, because I thought that chatting on screen would make me oh-so confident (because really I am incredibly shy and introverted), so I made it, and made a thumbnail like this, which I thought was terribly clever!

YT Thumbnail Papercraft

Then I thought it was really cheesy and horrible and nobody would watch someone playing with scrap paper, and so I deleted it. Even that gleeful look on my face makes me cringe, haha!

So! Having decided that I wasn’t going to be a YouTube star after all, I cleared up all my arty crafty stuff and fixed up my room for making a study of sorts (being a student in August an’ all), then I got all dismayed at not being able to do arty stuff, retrieved all my  materials, and proceeded to organise them into boxes *properly*.

So that’s where I’m at right now. Organising and sorting. I’m thinking I can actually combine the crafting stuff with student life, because I can make stationery, folders, planners, and notebooks! So its a win win all round! Go me and my cheesy grin! 🙂

Seascape (Rockscape?)

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Rocks and seaSo I was looking through some photos and realised that I could now use an online program called Pixlr to have some fun with photography filters. I couldn’t use the website for the longest time because its flash based, and my “Tea” Laptop (I’m referring to the one I drowned as the Tea Laptop, just for future!) did not have flash capabilities at all. So there were many websites I couldn’t access, which was vaguely annoying. I thought I would mess around with this shot I took on the Isle of Bute, in Scotland a few weeks ago to see how it could look with a nice dreamy filter on it.

More (Local) Street Art

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Hello, hello! Oh its so good to be posting here again 😀 I’m kicking things off with some vibrant street art that has sprung up recently round my town. We (the town, not me personally) are trying to win something called City of Culture 2021. Its a *thing*, y’know, to raise the profile of large towns and cities across the UK. Hull have the honours at the moment for 2017, and we, amongst others are competing for 2021 (its every 4 years if you haven’t worked that out already…..!)

So, amongst other events, plans to brighten up the place are afoot. This includes things like festivals (food and beer, mostly), lights strung up across various dark lanes, flowers all over the place…..and of course, street art. (Lets not mention the council raising business rates for retail places and the amount of empty shops we have….nope)

jimmy hendrix

John Lennon

guitarist

singerguy

Now these were all down the same street, which is a street full of clubs and music venues – hence the common theme. Sadly I don’t know who the street artist is – I have seen him around hanging from various scaffolding (these paintings are HUGE!) so it didn’t seem appropriate to chat to him. If I catch up with him on ground level, I shall certainly credit him.

I do have lots more to show you but I will leave that for during the week. For now I’m trying to get a video set up, about planners and suchlike. 😀

 

 

 

I’m Baaaaaaaack!!! (Laptop update 3)

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Whoot! So I’m sitting here with a laptop. Not my original one, this is a Windows one……which to be honest, I prefer. Everything works on it, and doesn’t need to be constantly updated (at a price) and basically is very straightforward (if a little weird to get used to)

So I’m such a happy bunny that I came straight here to say hi, after only having this for about an hour and two cups of coffee (both were drunk well away from the machine, lemme tell ya!)

And the other one which I covered in tea, has now been consigned to someone’s bin down in England, sadly. It was nice while it lasted…….

Can I just say thank goodness for insurance! I have never been a fan of it, and felt it was just scare mongering, but being the ‘grown up’ I am, paid it dutifully each month, because you never know…….! And the company I’m with were very helpful in guiding me through the process (even though it was me who had to keep phoning for updates, not them phoning me *ahem*) but hey, whatever, I’m here and its all good.

Its lovely to see you. 😀

It is what it is…

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Hello lovely people of WordPress! Just popping in with a little update. I am still writing this on my phone as the laptop has been officially described as “broken” ( I think I would use stronger words than that mind you! and will cost the price of TWO laptops to repair!!!! So it’s back to haggling with the insurance people, and we all know how arduous THAT can be. Meanwhile, I must say how much I miss you all. I can’t say I miss “the internet” so much, but I miss connecting with readers, and sharing things on the blog.

Meanwhile, my “offline life” has consisted of taking lots of nature photographs, suffering the intense heat that swamped the UK recently, and also I start college in August! Yes I thought I had better refresh myself in education – my CV/ resume kind of stops from when I was ill, and while it looks good, it’s a few years out of date. So I figured I should get myself up to speed if I’m to get any chance of a decent job these days. A person can only potter around so long before the brain begins to rebel! Haha! (It’s a

So I wanted to jump in here and say hello, and I miss you all. Fingers crossed I’ll be back properly in a week or so! I hope you are all well!

Laptop woes continued…..

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Ok, so the tea covered laptop has dried out, and shadows appear on the blacked out screen (no lights). It won’t switch on or off, so it has to go and get repaired.

Meanwhile I am using an antiquated thing circa 2009 (yes some things are worth holding onto!!) and reloaded the hard drive. Of course this 2017 internet doesn’t like it and refuses to play nice for the most part – but I can access the news, emails, load pictures, and listen to music. But WordPress will not entertain any query from my “brick” So I put WP on my phone, because…..well, when you have that connection with the world, it’s very difficult to let it go!

So…. in essence, I’m here, albeit a tad grumpy. I will try and reply/comment where possible now I have notifications switched on. 🙏

Ps, after posting this, I am removing WP from phone as it’s going weird now. Arrghhhh!